What did we do last night that was yellow?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
