I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
