Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize