Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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