Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
