gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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