How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
