i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
