Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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