Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
