apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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