shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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