is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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