Can i not drive my cunt home
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
someone owes me an orgasm
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
And then he peed in my hair
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