I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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