Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
