I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
