Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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