So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
