Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
