I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
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i think i have herpe
just one?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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