just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Found the puke drawer
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
