I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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