I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
