just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
