we made out on top of his cat.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She needs sedatives and a leash
Still dying that you shit outside
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
