Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's official drugs can't kill me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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