Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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