Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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