She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
