Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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