i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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