you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
