I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
