I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
