found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
my poor anus
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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