I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
