My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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