You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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