Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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