dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He felt like a one man threesome
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
