no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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