is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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