i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
