Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hippo gnu deer
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
