At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
