uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
