quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
