Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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