we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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