The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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