last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
