Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
