Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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