I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
