I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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