After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
