okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
