I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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