Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
