The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
