Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
