I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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