I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize
