ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
