420 ftw
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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