so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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