Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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