When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Randomize
