Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I sprained my soul last night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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