oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
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Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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