so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
