I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
