im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
