No awkward lesbian experiences without me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
