Swine flu is the new snow day.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
